Thursday, March 10, 2011

S.L.M. Goldberg's Official Statement on Charlie Sheen

Susan L. M. Goldberg, an independent blogger who is published in a number of places that will take no stance in this particular situation, strongly supports Charlie Sheen's newfound alternative media presence.

"Corporate trolls have no power over the force of Tiger Blood," Ms. Goldberg said in this recently typed statement. "As role models, McWinning is the attitude our celebrities need to convey to the public. And, given the need for strong national security, it is apparent that only Warlock brains can build the perfect torpedo.

"Furthermore, Gary Busey is getting on in years and given the current political climate, Ted Nugent is bound to bury himself in his bus-bunker any minute. The world needs people like the new Charlie Sheen around. Therefore, we encourage Mr. Sheen not to overdose to the point of complete self-destruction so that our future children can one day revel in shows like 'My Life with Sheen' and know who really invented Tulsa, Oklahoma.

"In the interest of the rights of celebrities everywhere to go batsh#t crazy at least once in their public lives, sheerly for the amusement of their viewing public, this blogger stands with Charlie Sheen, and supports his lockbox of diamonds, uranium, and assassin nobility. #WINNING"

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